Why Me Lord?

So many times since our accident I had asked God, “why did this have to happen to me?”   Read the entire testimony and you, too, will know the answer! 

First of all, by God’s grace, I was asleep when it happened.  We had gone to dinner and bowling with Todd’s boys and were on our way home.  Yes, I had several beers throughout the night and was feeling pretty good.  As we exited onto Hwy 28, Taco Bell was open and I begged Todd to stop, I was hungry.  

As we continued to drive home, I ate my burrito. I crumbled the wrapper and threw it on the floor at my feet, like I always do intending to throw it in the trash when we got home.  It was almost midnight and I usually go to bed at 8 every night. After several drinks and a full belly, I was sleepy.  I remember everything from that night, to this moment. I put my seat back and told Todd to wake me when we got home.  But we never got home.  

As we came to the 4-way stop intersection in Deville, it began to drizzle a little.  Todd said that the bright lights from the gas station reflecting on each drop on the windows made it hard to see. This made it appear that lights were everywhere. He made a complete stop at the 4-way, like he had done for the 40 something years he has been driving.  The caution light also reflected on the raindrops.  There was no one else stopped at the intersection, so he began to ease forward.  We were only about 3 miles from home.  

Suddenly out of nowhere, he heard this deafening bang and felt the impact.  Our truck was being pushed sideways, over the grassy median coming to a stop on the shoulder of the turning lane, over 70 feet from point of impact. He could feel the pain in his ribs where one, he would come to find out,  was broken. 

Confused and dazed, Todd looked over at me.  I was still laid back sleeping.  He could not tell if I was breathing and he could not wake me.  He got out, went around the truck and tried to open the door but it was crushed by the impact.  

The State Police accident report stated that the other driver said that he thought that a red flashing light meant to slow down, but he didn’t.  It was estimated that he hit us at over 60 mph.  This meant that he must have been distracted by his cell phone because several hundred feet back were huge reflective signs with warnings of a 45 mph zone and upcoming stop sign. He never even slowed down for those.  He also admitted to having several beers before getting behind the wheel.  

The Fire Department had to extricate me from the truck where my pelvis had become crushed between the door and the center console.  I’m told that I lay on the side of the road with tarps draped over me as they began to work on me.  Apparently my blood pressure kept bottoming out and I would later have to be given blood and platelets in the ER.  I was stripped of all of my clothing and shoes and they had been left there on the side of the highway.  

Todd and I were transported to Rapides Hospital and immediately separated as they began a series of CT scans on us.  It was discovered that I had 5 breaks in my pelvis.  I remember absolutely NOTHING.  I only awoke once I was in ICU and heavily drugged. Todd was at my side and whispered in my ear, “we’ve been in a car wreck, you are in the hospital” and I drifted back to sleep.  

After we got out of the hospital and found an attorney, we found out that the person that hit us only had minimum liability and no assets.  I had just weeks before, lowered my underinsured motorist coverage on my plan to “economic only” to save money on my premium.  The attorney told me that attorneys absolutely hate “economic only” coverage because it was so hard to collect on.  We may get reimbursement for our medical bills and lost wages… but probably not much more.   His fee would be 30% of that.  I was devastated.   Not only would we only get what we were out of pocket, we would still have to lose 30% of that to the attorney. I cried out to God, “this isn’t fair…. If I could only have collected $100,000 it might have been worth it, somehow”

I took good records of all of our costs, lost wages and mileage to Doctor’s appointments and back, but that still was not very much reimbursement.  

I went to my Orthopedic Doctor for each of my scheduled visits.  Each visit, x-rays were made and he said I was progressing quite well, until I began to walk again.  I could tell something was not right.  I could feel my pelvis shift when I walked. I was in alot of pain.  

I was ordered to Physical Therapy but the clinic that I chose was having trouble getting insurance approval. 

On what should have been my last visit with the doctor, I finally complained.  I told him all of the problems I was having. He ordered an MRI.  The results showed that none of my fractures were healed, and now my pelvis was disfigured.  

The doctor told me that I would need surgery and not only did he not perform that type of surgery, he did not take my insurance. He told me that not many Ortho Surgeons in this area take Tricare. Although he told me that he would help me find a surgeon, he did not.     I could have waited for that referral, but I did not.   

My daughter had been flown to LSU Ochsner after her accident and had surgery on her spine and ankle. I knew they took Tricare so I began making phone calls.  I got an appointment with Dr. Chauvin probably the best surgeon in the world, who specializes in non-union surgeries. 

When we got to the appointment, a young Doctor and a student came in.  I had brought a disk of my MRI but apparently I was put on the afternoon appointment list which are just for follow-up patients.  I thought he knew why I was there but I found out later that my chart only stated “for pain” I was given a bunch of pages for hip exercises and sent home to work on my muscle strength and given a follow up appointment for several months later. 

I began the exercises but they left me hurting even more.  I remembered the x-ray technician from my visit rambling on and on, ad nauseum, about the Patient Portal.  She convinced me right there in the x-ray room to download it onto my phone. She had explained that many times, your test results would get posted even before seeing your Doctor.  She explained that you could also email your Doctor and they had times each week that they were supposed to read and respond to their emails.  So, that weekend, I went to the portal.  The MRI that I brought with me to my appointment was posted. 

I began to examine the pictures from my MRI.  This was the first time I had looked at it. It was so very clear to me that my sacrum was crushed and my bones, not only unhealed, they weren’t even set.  Some of them were not even close to the bone that it used to join.  I was furious.  I began taking snapshots and posting them into Chat gtp. It confirmed that every single one of my fractures were indeed unhealed fractures.  I began emailing the Doctor with the snapshots and begged him, “Dr. Brad, please fix me”.  I won’t lie, I sent ALOT of emails that day!

The following Monday, I was at Sam’s shopping for cleaning supplies for work and my phone rang.  It was someone from Dr. Chauvin’s office. She said that Dr. Chauvin had told her to get me in the office that week so he could see me. I asked why and she said, “because of all of the emails that you sent”  Right then, I became very defensive.  I told her I didn’t need to drive all the way to Shreveport to be scolded for sending emails, and besides, I couldn’t come because I was beginning Annual Training the next day with the Guard.  She asked me, “why are you not in bed with your broken pelvis”….. then I knew it was serious.  I told her I would need to call her back after talking to someone at my unit.  

I started AT the next day and was approached by a senior leader in my unit.  He asked how things were going and I explained everything.  He told me to make an appointment and take the day to go see what the doctor had to say, so I did. 

When I was brought back to the room, another young doctor came in. He turned on the computer and apologized for the mistakes from my previous visit.  He took the time to listen to my entire story.  Then Dr. Chauvin came into the room.  It was then that I realized that the doctor from last week was not Dr. Chauvin.  He apologized for the mixup and I apologized about all of my emails and he said something that will ALWAYS stand out in my mind, “but you were right”

He went through my MRI and showed me all of the places that my pelvis was broken. He showed me where the screws were needed to stabilize each fracture.  He told me that each fracture would have to be cleaned up from any prior healing and bone marrow harvested from my hips, to “trick each fracture into thinking it was a new injury”  He explained this would be a very difficult surgery, it would take all day, I would lose a-lot of blood, and I would need to be in the hospital for at least a week, afterwards. He also said he wanted to make sure he had no plans to be outside the area in case there were complications.  This was serious!  But even worse, he explained that due to the prior non-union, I would be non-weight bearing on both legs for at least 3 months, giving my bones enough time to heal.  

Gratefully,  Todd had lots of leave and k-time on the books and was willing to become my full-time caregiver.  He lifted me, transferred me, put me in the shower and bathed me. He cleaned me up when I messed myself.  He drove me to all of my appointments, lifting me in and out of the truck. He was such a blessing, never complaining, always there when I needed him.  He was strong enough to take on the roll and willing to do it with love.  He made a-lot of sacrifices, too.  

I continued documenting our losses, every day that we missed from work, every penny we spent on medical equipment and co-pays, every mile to appointments and back.  I continued thinking, “if I hadn’t changed my insurance to “economic only” that $100,000 would have been worth all that I was going through.”

At some point through all of this, I remembered the in-processing briefing we had when I first got back into the Air Force Reserve over 12 years ago.   It was explained that $1 per month was being added to our SGLI for Traumatic Injury insurance.  He said, you don’t have to be on duty or in status just suffer a loss due to a traumatic injury, so I started researching.  

I discovered that, among a number of other injuries, if you are left with a loss of at least 2 ADLs (activities of daily living) that you qualify for $25,000 for every 30 days of loss, up to the limit of $100,000.  I said… that’s me, I qualify for this!  So I applied.  I submitted everything from the accident report, my entire record from Rapides, clinical notes from each visit with the local Orthopedic Dr. , photos of my pelvis, surgical notes, notes from the therapists who tried to work with me after surgery.  I submitted EVERYTHING, and prayed.  

Each month, after every 30 days of being in that wheelchair, I had to have a statement from my local medical provider.  It must document that I had loss 2 or more of my activities of daily living for that 30-day period. After 90 days, I received an email saying that my application was being submitted to the insurance company.  

At best, I was hoping for $75,000 because I had only had loss of ADLs for 90 days, but when my bank alerted me of a direct deposit into my account of $100,000, I was floored.  It turns out that the bone marrow grafting and transplant added another $25,000 to my claim.  

Once my attorney submitted my spreadsheets to Progressive, they agreed to pay the full amount of my underinsured motorists to me plus the $10,000 that I had taken out for medical.  Todd was paid $10,000 for medical plus all of his lost wages for taking time off from work for his own healing and to care for me. We also got the $15,000 each from the guy that hit us.  After we paid the attorney 30% and the lien that Tricare had placed on our 3rd party claim, we both still recovered a reasonable amount.  

Now we have paid off a few interest bearing loans, purchased a few things that we wanted and began adding a 4-seasons room and deck on the back of our house.  I finally have a little money in a high-interest savings account and purchased a CD to make my money, make more money. And Todd, who has been driving the same truck for 14 years, was finally in a position to buy a new truck.  We are reasonably comfortable now. 

God recently reminded me of that question that I asked him, “why did this happen to me” and this is what he said to me.  

“I let this happen to you, because I knew you would recover.  I knew you had changed your policy, but I wanted for you to see me work this to your advantage.  I knew that you wouldn’t get much from the car insurance, and I didn’t want the expenses to break you financially, so I allowed your bones to delay healing.  I knew if you started Physical Therapy that the exercises would have made your injuries worse and those costs would be added to Tricare’s lien, so I delayed the approval.  I knew you would find a surgeon and make him put you back together again.  I told that x-ray tech to tell you about the patient portal.  I knew that Todd was strong and had experience, lovingly caring for his mom, so I knew he had what it took to care for you.  I knew your love and strength for walking, added to your determination, you would walk again, as though this never happened. I knew you had and reminded you of the TSGLI coverage and guided you through the application process.  I knew you asked for $100,000 for your injuries but I gave you more!  I knew that if the table was turned and you had to care for Todd in the same way as he did for you, that you were not able, so it had to be you.  But, I caused you to sleep through the entire traumatic experience of the accident, because I didn’t want it to leave an emotional scar, on you for the rest of your life.  I saved you from the PTSD that this would have caused you if you had remembered it. But mostly, Angelia, I did it selfishly.  I wanted a relationship with you and I knew in your weakness that you would turn to me for strength.”

I am still healing, physically. But I have finally reached the acceptance stage in this journey.  Even more, I have this great testimony of God’s goodness.  I FINALLY have that relationship with my Creator that I have always longed for. I know this was all a part of God’s bigger plan.  He doesn’t always protect us from tragedy, but he ALWAYS will turn our ashes into beauty if we just trust and believe in him.